M. Russell Ballard asked a series of questions last weekend. I've decided to offer an answer of where I’ve gone, since leaving Mormonism.
Some of you might ask, if I’m so happy out of the church, why am I even aware of what was said last weekend? You might be inclined to share the old saying, “you can leave the church, but you can’t leave it alone.”
Even though I rarely make any posts or comments about Mormonism in the public arena, I’ll try to explain why I’m still culturally connected to Mormonism by using an illustration of national identity:
I was born in the UK. I have been raised in its culture, its language, and its traditions for over 30 years. Imagine if I decided to immigrate to Australia. Perhaps the political climate in UK or the plans to leave Europe was the key influence. Suppose I contemplated staying in UK to influence change, but decided, all things considered, it would be better for me and my family to move away. Imagine that after several years, I gave up my UK passport and took on Australian citizenship. My family and I might develop local accents, traditions and my grandkids might consider themselves entirely Australian and be unaware of anything more than a distant historical connection to the UK. Over time, I might eventually feel entirely Australian.
In that scenario, would it be reasonable for me to continue being interested in events back in the UK? Given friends and family were still there, would it be fair if I kept an eye and ear on the latest British news and perhaps even passed comment on some positive or negative event occasionally? If I did so, would people tell me that I “could leave the UK, but I couldn’t leave it alone?” Or would they understand that I still felt a cultural link to something that was a part of my life for so long and that was still of interest to me, given the role it had in some of my friends’ and family’s lives?
That’s the scale of the decision, when considering the question: “where will you go.” It’s daunting and sometimes troubling to make a transition that is so significant. Leaving Mormonism was a bigger decision for me than any emigration would be. Mormonism felt as inherently a part of who I was as my Britishness. The difference about my Britishness is that the scope to campaign for change from within is far greater. I disagree with the current leadership of Britain and the direction they are taking the country. If I campaign for change in UK culture and direction, that is seen as a reasonable course of action. No-one would call me an unfaithful Brit if I did that. But given Mormonism’s leaders are considered god’s mouthpiece, instead of the voice of the people, there is no room for a “loyal opposition.”
Russel Ballard asked, “If you choose to leave… the church… where will go? What will you do?”
Where have I gone? What have I done? I’ve taken myself to a place of personal independence. I’ve connected with my local community. I’ve joined groups that provide the opportunity to serve, uplift and develop talents but without any religious agenda or dogma. I’ve found delight in developing talents through drama and choir. I’ve made more time for my family. We go out together and have adventures and discoveries together. We enjoy life’s simple things and each other’s company.
I have joined a council group which gives me deep, thought provoking and peace-inducing experiences. It’s a group where there is openness, honesty and support; a group that shows deference for nature, our surroundings and our ancestors. All this without the need to have perspectives shaped and directed by the cultural preferences of a group of men who call themselves prophets.
Russell Ballard warns that the decision to “walk no more” with church leaders “…will have a long-term impact that cannot always be seen right now.” I agree with the statement, but not his intended meaning. It has taken time to start seeing the impact of walking “no more” in the path they define. After over two years on this new path, I am seeing the positive long-term impact of doing so. I’m embracing life. I’m finding peace and happiness that is deep and genuine. When faced with questions about morality and societal change, I’m glad to be able to ask myself: what do I think about that, instead of aligning with the church’s stance is on it. I’m even more pleased to be able to support my children in allowing them to consider the same questions and reach their own conclusions.
I have never pushed my reasons for reaching the conclusions I hold about Mormonism on others and don’t intend to here. You’re always welcome to ask. Suffice it to say that over the course of several years of study and contemplation, I reached the conclusion that Mormonism’s leaders are not what I believed them to be. I consider them to be no more god’s mouthpiece than the pope, the Dalai Lama or you or I.
I’ve briefly met Russell Ballard; I consider him to be a good man. I believe he is sincere in his questions and doesn’t intend to use fear or emotional manipulation. I can understand why he would ask. When I was fully engaged in the church I couldn’t contemplate anything other than Mormonism as the way to live. I probably asked people similar kinds of questions and know that I asked them with integrity and sincerity. For those still sailing through life’s waters under the Mormon flag of the “old ship Zion,” I celebrate and appreciate the good that it does for you and your families, even if I sometimes oppose some of the leadership's views and priorities. Having explored a wide range of the world’s geographies, spiritualties, philosophies and societies I’ve reached the conclusion that the answer to “where will you go” is far more exciting and fulfilling than he warns. “Spiritual emigration” is not the abandonment of safety, nor is it spiritually destructive. It’s the start of a new and fulfilling adventure on the same seas of life, but under a different banner.
