Sunday 23 March 2014

I’m not afraid anymore

For several months, there have been two things that I’ve been afraid of missing out on if leaders at church discovered the ‘real me’ and took away my temple recommend. I have wanted to go through an endowment session with the new film and I’ve been looking forward to attending my sister and brother in law’s temple sealing.

Today I got to do both and now I feel a freedom to be completely authentic. The things that matter most to me are mine to cherish. The church can’t take those from me. I’m not afraid anymore.

I went through an endowment session for the first time in over two years. I have long-loved the temple experience and the time living in China made attendance difficult.

The endowment I experienced today represented the positive changes the church is trying to make while also being limited in the extent it can evolve by its heritage and written texts.

The endowment session was bitter-sweet. It was bitter because the script was unchanged. Eve retains the same subservience and silence in later parts of the story as previous films. For my wonderfully independent and intelligent wife, daughter and mother this suddenly, perhaps for the first time, upset me. I choked up and wiped tears from my eyes a couple of times at the implicit message the endowment script gives to the women of the church. I hope that one day it is changed.

If the endowment were written today I don’t believe it would be included. Brigham Young once said, “When God speaks to the people, he does it in a manner to suit their circumstances and capacities… I will even venture to say that if the Book of Mormon were now to be re-written, in many instances it would materially differ from the present translation. According as people are willing to receive the things of God, so the heavens send forth their blessings.” There are still things taught in our church today that don’t “suit our circumstances” and are stuck in the past.

That’s the church’s challenge. We can’t simply throw our passed texts and leaders away wholesale. They are our origins and foundation. As much as I would welcome it, fast change would be too unsettling for too many people. My desire for change does not extend to the disregard for the spiritual welfare of my friends. Change, unfortunately, has to be slow, to be accepted.

But change is happening and visible. Today’s endowment session represented that and it was ‘sweet.’ One of the couples in the prayer circle was mixed race. Less than 60 years ago, the First Presidency would have called their marriage “repugnant” and against the Church doctrine. The session officiator, who at times represents God and a priesthood leader, was black. Only 36 years ago he wouldn’t have been in the temple at all.

Beyond the participants, the portrayal of Eve in the new film is perhaps a self-contained analogy of the church’s attempt to move forward and give women a more positive part in the church. With no change in her words, a different message was conveyed. Eve was an empowered and an active participant in choosing the elevation of mortality’s opportunities and progressing out of Eden’s limitations. More could have been changed, and I hope it will one day, to have put her on an equal footing to Adam. Baby steps will become giant leaps when we look with hindsight in the future.

Despite the appreciated evidence of change I also went with a desire to reach a resolution. As I sat through the endowment, and aware that I would see my sister sealed later in the day, I felt a deep peace. I have felt a growing disengagement with the church structural organisation and instead a desire to have a more meaningful connection with people I care about and with God. During the ordinance, I considered how the endowment is symbolically an upward trajectory.

In a 1977 devotional, Ezra Taft Benson lists the covenants made in the temple as: “the law of obedience and sacrifice, the law of the gospel, the law of chastity, and the law of consecration.” (As an aside: I actively disagree with the politics in the speech, but appreciate the open reference to temple covenants that are otherwise kept excessively secret).

I was speaking to a missionary earlier this week. He said that every lesson their president teaches revolves around obedience. I suggested that God was not really interested in obedient children and far more interested in optimal children. Obedience is a way of establishing good habits which, in turn, create strong character. Obedience isn’t the end, it’s the beginning. The same could be said in the temple. We start with obedience but progress towards accepting the law of consecration, even if we don’t currently live it, and in doing so commit to “building up the kingdom of God and establishing Zion on the earth” (see here and here).

During the endowment I felt a growing ability and willingness to serve the God I believe by serving other people. As an April 1993 New Era article taught, “…the temple reminds us of the person we ought to be.” I feel I am becoming the person God wants me to be. I also felt a genuine peace with the decision to not look to a human intermediary for finding ways to do that. I appreciate what religious leaders and thinkers can teach me, but I don’t want to be dependent on them. Ultimately, the endowment teaches that we can only follow the council of church leaders for a certain time. In the end, at the end, they make way and we commune directly with God, the best source of truth. The pamphlet, Preparing to enter the Holy Temple, suggests that as we progress “toward the veil” in the temple, we are “instructed and enlightened on matters of spiritual importance.” The endowment experience teaches that there are some things that we can only learn from communing directly with God and that answers are not available from other people. It teaches that we need to develop independence.

So where does that leave me? Or lead me? As I moved into the Celestial room I carried with me a resolution and sense of conclusion. For over two years I have described myself as: “unconcluded.” I realised that the endowment session had felt like a conclusion. President Monson was right when he said, in April 2011, “In this sacred sanctuary we will find peace; we will be renewed and fortified.”

I wanted to confirm and apply my conclusion before leaving. I found a chair in the corner of the room and, having spent two years “studying it out in my mind,” sought confirmation. The February 2014 Ensign suggests that, “Once we have studied an issue thoroughly—including the scriptures and the words of our leaders—we can then pray about our decision with confidence that the Lord will guide us.” Regarding this process Elder S. Dilworth Young said, in April 1976, “…according to his wisdom, his word will come into my mind through my thoughts, accompanied by a feeling… which cannot be described, but the nearest word we have is ‘burn’ or ‘burning.’ Accompanying this always is a feeling of peace.”

Sitting in the chair I offered up a prayer to seek this simple confirmation that my conclusion was acceptable to God. My conclusion may surprise, given the experience I’d just, had but is important to me.

As I prayed, the words came naturally, the culmination of hundreds, perhaps even hours of study and consideration. I felt complete peace and spiritual confirmation – a burning in the bosom – as I prayed and expressed the following:

“The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is not the only true church, but it is a church that contains truth. It is not better than or more superior to other religions but is a good way of working towards greater godliness. Other religious expression is equally valid. The Church is not the kingdom of God on earth but gives us tools and teachings to become a part of the kingdom of God. It is not Zion, but helps us build Zion. It is not the church of the Lamb but is part of it and helps us be a follower of the Lamb… just as other churches also do.

There have been inspired prophets through the ages who are able to teach with clarity and inspiring words, despite seeing through a glass darkly. I consider Joseph Smith to have been one of them, despite his challenges and natural human limitations.

The leaders today are not teaching or talking “as if God were speaking.” They are well-meaning and often give good advice but their manner of receiving divine guidance is very similar to the inspiration received by the rest of the membership.

Obedience is not the ultimate objective. Becoming our very best selves and helping other become the same is a better one. I do not believe that what we eat and drink, what we wear, what money we pay, which meetings we go to really matter. I believe that what matters most is the way we treat each other. Compassion and charity matter most.

I also believe that all are equal in your eyes: Male and female, black and white, gay and straight, rich and poor, homeless and housed. Unity in and acceptance of diversity are godly virtues.

I recognise that being part of the Mormon community means certain behaviours are an expectation and help the individual be better involved the group. Compassion and consideration should also extend to my friends and acquaintances at church. I won’t actively impose my perspectives but will also be entirely genuine in my own views and beliefs. A balance of respect and authenticity is important. I want to build up, not break down.

This conclusion could lead me further from Mormonism as I work on a more meaningful spirituality. I have never sought to leave the church. That’s not the objective. I am happy to worship in this faith community and have enough friends to feel comfortable doing so. I am uplifted by many of the perspectives and experiences in the LDS faith. At the same time I’m not bound to it. My covenants are with you, God, not with the church. There may be times when a Sunday is better used for other forms of service and spiritual uplift with my family.

My personal spiritual development is not dependent on membership in an earthly organisation but on a willingness to continue pursuing the best and most positive course as it is unveiled to me. While it may result in less frequent attendance at LDS meetings, it isn't a forgone conclusion. I will go where I feel you want me to go.

For this reason, the church organisation and leaders can’t threaten or take anything of significance. If they now, or in future, choose to take my recommend and or even my membership then I would miss the worship experience found in Mormon holy places, but would still keep the things of most important to me. I retain and respect my commitments to you, to consecrate my time to the best ways to serve you by serving others. My home and family is the best place to start.

I don’t feel confused or deceived or misguided. I feel gently and genuinely guided.

I’m not afraid anymore.”

Throughout this prayer and thought process I felt a constant peace. I felt increasing internal light.

Several years ago I experienced a “stupor of thought” during prayer and wondered if I might feel the same mental block when praying about something that some Mormons might consider wrong without even needing to ask. Instead I felt clarity, not confusion.

While praying, I felt the same spiritual witness, or burning in the bosom, as I have felt at other significant times in my life. A prayer of a 10-year-old about the Book of Mormon in 1988, the plea for reconciliation with God and His approval on an Italian mountain top in 2011, the feeling of standing on holy ground in a Buddhist cave temple in Thailand in February 2013 and the change in prophet paradigm on a pagoda overlooking bamboo covered Chinese mountains in July 2013.

I feel complete peace with my conclusions. I feel concluded. I feel able to move on and carry on.


I’m at peace and I’m not afraid any more.

Of prophets and pagodas

Originally written in July 2013:

Before heading back to the UK I'm doing some travelling.

I spent last night at a Buddhist temple in the Chinese bamboo covered mountains.

They have a simple hotel on site. The monks and guests were wonderfully welcoming. Sharing food and chatting with me in their broken English and my even worse Chinese.

This is a place of peace and tranquility. There are no 'graven images' here, in a temple complex of over 100 religious statues and deities. They are expressions of the God I know too. One God with many names and faces: Moses 7:35 "Behold, I am God; Man of Holiness is my name; Man of Counsel is my name; and Endless and Eternal is my name, also."

A generous guest this morning invited me on a tour of each building and deity and explained a few principles of their worship.

This temple site dates back over 1000 years. I can feel the positive presence of God.

Yesterday evening I climbed to the top of the pagoda that overlooks the community, watching the sun sleepily set over the horizon. I've returned today and am typing this message from the same place. Last night I prayed and shed a tear as I finally let go. I let go of the church and prophet paradigm I was raised with and established for myself. It hurt but it also felt enriching. I felt 'inner-peace.'

I choose to worship God and work to better myself within the Mormon community. I recognise it as a valid way. They are my friends, my community and where I fit. They are my tribe.

I have loved developing an appreciation for other faiths while living in Asia. It has taught me a simple truth: that God is found in many places. Not as diversions or distortions of the 'one true way' to God and not as partial truths for those more limited than others, but as equally valid faith practices that each help God's creations walk the path to godliness.

I believe in a God who knows us so well that he's able to create a personalised curriculum for each of his children. For some that may be devout, orthodox Mormonism. For others it may Mormonism followed by something else or the same in reverse or something completely different not even touching Christianity.

Whatever your personalised curriculum I look forward to discovering and living mine to the best of my abilities while continuing my association with a diverse group of friends and faiths.

God is good.

Sunday 16 March 2014

A Thoughtful Gospel Principles. Chapter 9: Prophets of God

I've not posted my GP lessons for a while. The Holy Ghost and Prayer ones were enjoyable to teach. I really appreciate the idea of personal interaction with the heavens. It resonates with my perspective of a personalised curriculum. 

As such, this was a far more challenging lesson to prepare. I had to step back from the manual a little more than usual - especially when it emphasised the "prophet will never lead you astray" and "do everything the prophet says" messages. 

https://www.lds.org/manual/gospel-principles/chapter-9-prophets-of-god?lang=eng

Gospel Principles, Chapter 9: Prophets of God
GP P41: There have been prophets on the earth since the days of Adam. Experiences of these great men excite and inspire us. Moses, an Old Testament prophet, led thousands of his people out of Egypt and slavery to the promised land. He wrote the first five books of the Old Testament and recorded the Ten Commandments. Nephi, a Book of Mormon prophet, journeyed from Jerusalem to the Americas 600 years before the birth of Christ. This great leader and colonizer gave us many important writings in the Book of Mormon. John the Baptist was chosen to prepare the world for the coming of the Lord Jesus Christ. Through Joseph Smith, a latter-day prophet, the Lord restored the Church. Joseph Smith also translated the Book of Mormon while a young man. 
 Ask the class for examples of prophets from the scriptures who inspire them.
One of the inspiring people in the Book of Mormon is Nephi.

I love that despite having visions and revelations, he was still aware of his own fragility and depended on his testimony of Jesus Christ for support:

(Excerpts from) 2 Nephi 4:16-35
16 Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.(17) Nevertheless… my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.
(19)…when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. (20) My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. (28) Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.(30) Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.(34) O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh… cursed is he that putteth his trust in man...(35) Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God.
What are some of the themes in this scripture?
-          Bearing testimony of Jesus Christ and his saving grace.
-          Being aware of weakness, expressing trust in God/Jesus Christ and not in other people;

1. Bearing testimony of Jesus Christ:

In 2000, to commemorate two millennia since the birth of Christ, the leaders of the church published their witness and testimony of the Saviour:

“His gospel was a message of peace and goodwill. He entreated all to follow His example. He walked the roads of Palestine, healing the sick, causing the blind to see, and raising the dead. He taught the truths of eternity. He instituted the sacrament as a reminder of His great atoning sacrifice. He was arrested and condemned on spurious charges, convicted to satisfy a mob, and sentenced to die on Calvary’s cross. He gave His life to atone for the sins of all mankind. His was a great vicarious gift in behalf of all who would ever live upon the earth. Jesus is the Living Christ, the immortal Son of God. He is the great King Immanuel, who stands today on the right hand of His Father. He is the light, the life, and the hope of the world. His way is the path that leads to happiness in this life and eternal life in the world to come. God be thanked for the matchless gift of His divine Son.
Revelation 19:10 says “…the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.”

Prophets through the ages have testified of Christ. That is their most important role.

During Moses’ time, two people taught through the spirit of prophesy, which concerned some of the other people in the camp:
Numbers 11:26 But there remained two of the men in the camp, the name of the one was Eldad, and the name of the other Medad: and the spirit rested upon them; and they were of them that were written, but went not out unto the tabernacle: and they prophesied in the camp.
27 And there ran a young man, and told Moses, and said, Eldad and Medad do prophesy in the camp. And Joshua … answered and said… Moses, forbid them.  And Moses said unto him, Enviest thou for my sake? would God that all the Lord’s people were prophets, and that the Lord would put his spirit upon them!
 In that sense we can all embrace the spirit of prophecy. The Bible Dictionary says: In a general sense a prophet is anyone who has a testimony of Jesus Christ by the Holy Ghost

2. In Nephi’s ‘lament’ he also emphasises being aware of weakness, expressing trust in God/Jesus Christ and not in other people.

We can sustain the prophet and learn from what he teaches. We can use the teachings of modern leaders and prophets in the scriptures as a platform for developing our own testimony and relationship with God.

GP39: A prophet may come from various stations in life. He may be young or old, highly educated or unschooled. He may be a farmer, a lawyer, or a teacher...
 Latter-day Saints sustain the First Presidency and the Twelve Apostles as prophets. However, when we speak of “the prophet of the Church,” we mean the President of the Church, who is President of the high priesthood. D&C 45:10 Wherefore, come ye unto it, and with him that cometh I will reason as with men in days of old, and I will show unto you my strong reasoning.15 Wherefore, hearken and I will reason with you, and I will speak unto you and prophesy, as unto men in days of old.
In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are frequently taught the importance of finding our own, independent testimony of what the prophet teaches.
p.42 How can we sustain the prophet? We should pray for him. His burdens are heavy, and he needs to be strengthened by the prayers of the Saints.We should study his words. We can listen to his conference addresses. We can also subscribe to the Ensign or Liahona so we can read his conference addresses and other messages he gives.
We can sustain the prophet by thoughtfully reading their counsel and gaining a personal confirmation of the truth.

President Hugh B. Brown said:
“[W]hile all members should respect, support, and heed the teachings of the authorities of the church, no one should accept a statement and base his or her testimony upon it, no matter who makes it, until he or she has, under mature examination, found it to be true and worthwhile; then one’s logical deductions may be confirmed by the spirit of revelation to his or her spirit, because real conversion must come from within.”
President James E. Faust quoted Brigham Young in 1989:
I am more afraid that this people have so much confidence in their leaders that they will not inquire for themselves of God whether they are led by him. I am fearful they settle down in a state of blind self-security, trusting their eternal destiny in the hands of their leaders with a reckless confidence that in itself would thwart the purposes of God in their salvation, and weaken that influence they could give to their leaders, did they know for themselves, by the revelations of Jesus, that they are led in the right way. Let every man and woman know, by the whispering of the Spirit of God to themselves, whether their leaders are walking in the path the Lord dictates, or not. (Brigham Young, Journal of Discourse 9:150)

A belief in prophets does not mean we are asked to stop thinking for ourselves.

One well-meaning member once said: When our leaders speak, the thinking has been done.

In response, the president at the time, George Albert Smith said that this statement
“…does not express the true position of the Church. Even to imply that members of the Church are not to do their own thinking is grossly to misrepresent the true ideal of the Church, which is that every individual must obtain for himself a testimony of the truth of the Gospel, must, through the redemption of Jesus Christ, work out his own salvation, and is personally responsible to His Maker for his individual acts. The Lord Himself does not attempt coercion in His desire and effort to give peace and salvation to His children... 
The Prophet Joseph Smith once said: "I want liberty of thinking and believing as I please." This liberty he and his successors in the leadership of the Church have granted to every other member thereof. On one occasion in answer to the question by a prominent visitor how he governed his people, the Prophet answered: "I teach them correct principles, and they govern themselves."”
Joseph Smith resisted people trying to make out that, as a prophet, he was infallible:

In a series of 1843 sermons Joseph Smith said:
“I told them [the Saints] I was but a man, and they must not expect me to be perfect; if they expected perfection from me, I should expect it from them; but if they would bear with my infirmities … I would likewise bear with their infirmities. (1)
 Many think a prophet must be a great deal better than anybody else... I love that man better who swears a stream as long as my arm, yet deals justice to his neighbors and mercifully deals his substance to the poor, than the smooth-faced hypocrite. I do not want you to think that I’m very righteous, for I am not. There was one good man, and his name was Jesus (2)”
 Nephi also taught how prophet’s receive guidance and how we can too:

1 Nephi 22:
1 And now it came to pass that after I, Nephi, had read these things which were engraven upon the plates of brass, my brethren came unto me and said unto me: What meaneth these things which ye have read? Behold, are they to be understood according to things which are spiritual, which shall come to pass according to the spirit and not the flesh?2 And I, Nephi, said unto them: Behold they were manifest unto the prophet by the voice of the Spirit; for by the Spirit are all things made known unto the prophets, which shall come upon the children of men according to the flesh.

President Uchtdorf has said: "Latter-day Saints are not asked to blindly accept everything they hear. We are encouraged to think and discover truth for ourselves. We are expected to ponder, to search, to evaluate, and thereby to come to a personal knowledge of the truth."

Having a living prophet does not mean we now know all there is to know.

Elder Uchtdorf said recently
"For a worm in horseradish the world is horseradish.
…We have an almost irresistible desire to assume that the leaf of information we have in our possession is a representation of all there is to know.” “Isn’t it a remarkable feeling to belong to a Church that not only embraces truth—no matter the source—but that teaches there is much more to come! That God “will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.” As a result, we are humble about the truth we have. We understand our knowledge is a work in progress, that the leaf we have before us is simply one microscopic snapshot—part of an infinitely vast forest of fascinating knowledge.”
Last week, when talking about prayer, we learnt that, like all of us, prophets receive guidance by praying to Heavenly Father with questions and receive guidance through the promptings of the spirit.

During an interview, President Gordon B. Hinkley was asked:
As the world leader of the the Church, how are you in touch with God? Can you explain that for me?

Gordon B Hinkley replied
I pray. I pray to Him. Night and morning. I speak with Him. I think He hears my prayers. As He hears the prayers of others. I think He answers them... if a problem arises, as it does occasionally, a vexatious thing with which we have to deal, we go to the Lord in prayer. We discuss it as a First Presidency and as a Council of the Twelve Apostles. We pray about it and then comes the whisperings of a still small voice. And we know the direction we should take and we proceed accordingly.
The principle of prophets teaches us that God loves us enough to reveal his will to his children throughout cultures and eras:
GP41: We have a prophet living on the earth today. This prophet is the President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He has the right to revelation for the entire Church. He holds “the keys of the kingdom,” meaning that he has the authority to direct the entire Church and kingdom of God on earth, including the administration of priesthood ordinances
 At other times and in other places, God has inspired people to teach the principles of the gospel.
Alma 29:8 For behold, the Lord doth grant unto all nations, of their own nation and tongue, to teach his word, yea, in wisdom, all that he seeth fit that they should have; therefore we see that the Lord doth counsel in wisdom, according to that which is just and true.
 President James E. Faust said in 2002: 
“…we claim that God’s inspiration is not limited to the Latter-day Saints. The First Presidency has stated: “The great religious leaders of the world such as Mohammed, Confucius, and the Reformers, as well as philosophers including Socrates, Plato, and others, received a portion of God’s light. Moral truths were given to them by God to enlighten whole nations and to bring a higher level of understanding to individuals. … We believe that God has given and will give to all peoples sufficient knowledge to help them on their way to eternal salvation.”
Elder B. H. Roberts was quoted in an Ensign article in August 2000. He said: 
“While the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is established for the instruction of men; and it is one of God’s instrumentalities for making known the truth yet he is not limited to that institution for such purposes, neither in time nor place. God raises up wise men and prophets here and there among all the children of men, of their own tongue and nationality, speaking to them through means that they can comprehend. … All the great teachers are servants of God; among all nations and in all ages. They are inspired men, appointed to instruct God’s children according to the conditions in the midst of which he finds them.”
The principle of prophets teaches me that we are not alone, that we all human and subject to the same frailties. I frequently quote prophets in my lessons because I appreciate their teachings and feel they teach me about the nature of God and my relationship with him. With that in mind, I embrace their positive messages and also try to find personal guidance and interaction with the heavens.