Sunday 15 December 2013

The priesthood ban cuts deep

The priesthood ban may be what finally does me in. The recent attention on the Dr Nelson 1947 letter exchange with the first presidency coupled with the recent LDS.org racism article was bad timing for my spiritual welfare.

The new article disavows things that the 1947 first presidency stated as doctrine in their letter to Dr Nelson. These were not said by some first generation Mormon hundreds of years ago, but said in living memory. My Dad was alive at the time that letter was written. He was also alive for the race relations speech given by Mark E. Petersen and the letter written by Delbert Stapley in which he recommend the 1960 book justifying the black priesthood ban. At the beginning of the year I was born there were still black families being denied entry to the temple. Simply because of their skin colour.

I'm not sure I want to raise my kids in a culture and group that is predominantly lead by ultra-conservatives whose interests seem to be focused on preserving the status quo that they were raised in. I don't like the paradigm that they are convinced is absolute and non-negotiable truth. Having today's leaders simply shrug off the priesthood ban and say "we don't know" simply compounds their apparent lack of divine guidance.

I'm very grateful for the work and words of people like Elder Uchtdorf. I want to heed is invite to stay and show myself and other people that a middle way is viable.

I worry that leaving could hurt others trying to walk the middle way. It's discouraging for me when I see people I know who have tried to be moderate Mormons but can't sustain it. I'd hate to cause that same pain to others. I worry too about the negative impact on people of the opposite view; those who are strongly orthodox and currently avoid any questioning and exploration of origins. I fear that if I leave it will only back them further into the corner of defensive fundamentalism. Don't question, don't explore, don't study... look what it did to Mackay...

Conflicted.

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